


The End Of Never

by hereforwords



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Blow Jobs, First Time Blow Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Season/Series 03, boat times, drugged dreamy hannibal, this feels pretty soft considering who it’s about lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:54:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24718606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hereforwords/pseuds/hereforwords
Summary: “Close your eyes,” Will finally whispered, the weight of Hannibal's gaze impossible to ignore even in the dark.Hannibal sighed just loud enough for Will to hear it. "You always ask the impossible of me."
Relationships: Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter
Comments: 10
Kudos: 155





	The End Of Never

**Author's Note:**

> god bless netflix for getting this show and my now constant looping rewatch inspiring me to finally finish this fic after 87 years

Somehow they had made it out onto open water, though standing on the ships deck looking out on it now Will still couldn't quite believe it was true, every moment leading up to this one nothing more than a blur of pain and constant movement in his mind. There hadn't been time to do anything but drag them both to where they needed to go, to where Hannibal could manage to tell Will about in his brief moments of clarity. Will had been bruised and stabbed all over, but Hannibal had been so much worse off. 

Will still wasn't sure how the both of them had made it, how Hannibal was still alive at all. 

He hadn't been sure when he'd finally found Hannibal, cold and unmoving on the rocks as the tide washed up against his legs. Will had carried him as much as he could through the dark and the cold, broke into a vet, stole a car, stole  _ another  _ car, broke into someone's vacation home, and then finally brought them to the boat Hannibal had told him would be waiting. Now they were going south with nothing to see in any direction but water so dark it almost looked black, the only thing Will could hear the sound of his own breath and the waves crashing up against the sides of the boat. Hannibal was down below sleeping, and for the first time in Will didn't know how long he felt well and truly alone. 

In some way it really did feel like he'd died, every moment since that fall like a waking dream that didn't know how to end. Will hadn't considered what it would do to him if he'd survived and Hannibal hadn't, an oversight Will couldn't believe he'd let himself make now. Even during all their years apart Will had known exactly where Hannibal was, an inescapable fact that had constantly sat at the back of his mind, comfort and mockery all in one just like Hannibal must have wanted.

Will knew now without room for doubt that he had no desire to live if Hannibal wasn't alive out there somewhere too, waiting for him in all the ways Will ached for and could never say. He knew he was a fool for the realization to shake him this badly, but the feeling refused to leave him. Will actually wanted Hannibal to be in his life, always, and he could feel every version of himself that had existed before now cringing away from the truth of it. 

Even just himself from last week would judge him, months before would laugh in horror, and even further still would claw away at Will's insides, trying to put even the smallest bit of distance between them. 

In reality Will just stood there watching the water, knowing there was nowhere else he could go now and even if there had been, nothing would have changed. It would almost be time to check on Hannibal soon, the gash on his arm still worrying Will despite Hannibal's slurred assurances that the worst of it had passed. In Will's experience the worst never really passed, it just grew and changed, shifting to fit into each moment that life had to offer.

The sound of steps pulled Will out of himself and he turned to see Hannibal joining him on the deck, leaning against a pole with a flush against his otherwise too pale face.

“What are you doing?” Will walked over in a rush, instantly reaching a hand out to steady Hannibal where he stood. “You shouldn't be up.”

Hannibal just looked at him for a moment, his eyes wet and cloudy. His voice was rough with sleep and disuse, his words blending together without his usual care put behind each one. “You were gone.”

Will felt like the worst person alive for his next breath, remembering just who it was he was looking at in the next and telling himself that changed anything. “I haven't gone anywhere."

“I thought you'd left again,” Hannibal went on like Will hadn't said a word, bringing up a hand to Will's shoulder as the other reached out to hold onto the front of Will's shirt.

Will breathed out roughly, swallowing past the lump in his throat. “We're on a boat, how could I leave?”

Hannibal swayed forward and suddenly he was in Will's arms, face pressed against his neck as he wrapped his arms around Will's back. “You always find a way.”

Will moved his hand to the back of Hannibal's neck, just barely brushing his fingers through the ends of Hannibal's too short hair. Will felt terrified all at once, bracing himself against that long held wound inside himself that had no hope of ever healing. “I'm not leaving.” Will shifted Hannibal in his arms, turning them back towards the stairs down below. “Come on, you need to rest.”

Hannibal made a low sound and let Will move him around, staying plastered to his side the entire way down the stairs with his hand clinging to Will's hip. Will had to all but pry Hannibal off to get him to lay back down on the bed, only relenting when Will finally sat down next to him along the edge. 

“You shouldn't be moving your arm like that, you could have permanent damage.”

Hannibal smiled at him, visibly struggling to stay awake. “I told you, I'll be fine.” His eyes closed for a long moment before his whole head gave a barely there jerk and then they pulled back open, instantly finding Will's and staying. His smile changed, smaller but somehow even harder to look at. “Will.”

“Yeah?” Will reached out to lay a hand against Hannibal's forehead, checking his temperature even though Will could tell from sight alone Hannibal still had a fever.

“Will,” Hannibal said again as his eyes slipped back shut, turning his face into Will's hand, “Will.”

Cracking apart inside Will moved his hand down, cupping Hannibal's cheek before dropping it to rest along his neck. “Go to sleep, I'm not leaving.” __

Hannibal said his name again, so quiet it was hardly more than an exhale before he finally fell silent. Will just looked at him, watching as Hannibal's breathing evened out and his body relaxed against the bed, never pulling his hand away. He just didn't want Hannibal to wake up again. He just didn't want Hannibal to wake up and think he was all alone again. He just wanted Hannibal to wake up again and cling to him, need him above everything and everyone else.

Will just needed to get a full night's still, and then everything it felt like he wanted now would fall away again. Slowly Will pulled his hand away, standing up from the bed but unable to make himself walk away just yet. He'd never seen Hannibal sleep before all of this and the sight of it still caught against each breath he took, inescapably tempting, horrible in its undeniable loveliness. 

It was impossible for Will not to imagine all the possibilities, knowing he would never act on a single one but unable to contain his wonder all the same.

Will was halfway across the room before he stopped again, looking back at Hannibal's unconscious form on the bed. How many times had Hannibal looked at him exactly like this, when Will was unaware of everything else around him and completely vulnerable to whatever Hannibal's curiosity demanded of him that day?

It would have all been so painfully simple.

Will turned and went back up the stairs.

*

Sleeping wasn't something Will had given much thought to, wasn't something he'd had time to even consider in the last few days, but in the calm that had settled over them now it was impossible to ignore anymore. The boat was a modest size, one small kitchen with one even smaller bathroom. The bedroom could hardly even be called one, just a bed pressed along the wall next to the kitchen. Looking at it Will could see how they both would be able to fit, but just barely. 

Hannibal slowly opened his eyes, body half hidden beneath the blanket. “You need to rest Will.”

“You need it more than I do.”

“I'm sorry there's only one,” Hannibal said quietly, that far away look back in his eyes, “I had thought, or rather–”

“It's fine,” Will cut in roughly, clenching his jaw before he pulled off his pants. Hannibal had seen him dressed this exact same way only the second time they'd spoken to each other, so there was no reason for it to matter to him now. A chill went over his skin all at once and Will took the last few steps between himself and the bed, looking down at Hannibal who did nothing but look back up at him. “Move over. Please.”

Hannibal shifted until his back was up against the wall, leaving as much space for Will as the bed would allow. Will climbed in next to him, pulling the blanket over them both like it was nothing, like they'd done this countless times before. Hannibal was so close that Will could feel the heat coming off of his skin, feel the mattress dip beneath him with each shift of Hannibal's frame. He wasn't wearing a shirt, and each breath he took left his chest brushing against Will's arm.

“How are you feeling?” Will finally asked just so he wouldn't end up saying anything else.

“Perfect.”

“Hannibal.”

“Weak,” Hannibal said around a smile Will could hardly see, “But that's to be expected. I'm fine Will, really.”

“You almost died.”

“We both did, you made sure of that.”

Will couldn't begin to imagine what he could say to that so he said nothing at all, continuing to watch Hannibal in the almost darkness. He felt both impossibly close and miles and miles away, like no matter where they were Will had no real hope of ever reaching him. Will was so tired of never reaching him. 

“You were transcendent Will, there are truly no words.”

Will looked down at the scant amount of space left between them, burning all over. He didn't have to ask to know when Hannibal meant. “How many more days do you need to stay on the medication?”

Hannibal made a soft considering noise. “How many days has it been?”

"Three.”

“Only a few more days then.”

Will shifted slightly, trying in vain to get comfortable when he was hyper aware of every part of himself. He looked back at Hannibal, meeting his waiting eyes before finally giving in and rolled onto his side to face him fully. Hannibal's expression was so open it hurt to look at him this closely, especially when Will knew he was the only thing Hannibal could see too. Will kept waiting for it's edges to begin to fade, for the adoration to weaken behind Hannibal's eyes but it never did, if anything Hannibal looked even more enchanted each time their eyes met, like them being here together was more than he'd ever dared to dream for. 

Logically Will knew it was just the drugs, but that knowledge did nothing to lessen the ache in his bones each time he had to look at Hannibal watching him like Will's simple existence was enough to sustain him for all time.

“Close your eyes,” Will finally whispered, the weight of Hannibal's gaze impossible to ignore even in the dark.

Hannibal sighed just loud enough for Will to hear it. "You always ask the impossible of me."

It wasn't long after that when Hannibal's breathing finally evened out, sleep taking him away. Will laid awake regardless, the excuse for his discomfort gone leaving him with only his own swirling thoughts for company. Will watched the shadows beneath Hannibal's cheekbones dance in the ever shifting moonlight, silently swearing for reasons he couldn't fully understand that he would never let himself give into this. 

There were only so many times he could let himself get cut before Will had to stop lending out his knife.

*

Hannibal was watching him. It wasn't a new sensation for Will, but he'd never let himself be aware of it in quite this way while it was happening before. They were sitting together in the moments before dusk, Will having run out of things that needed to be done around the boat hours ago. He'd made them a boring but filling meal, and though he'd tried to Hannibal hadn't quite been able to hide his expression from Will upon taking his first bite. 

Will hadn't felt the smile on his face until Hannibal was looking at him again, the recognition of his own expression in Hannibal's eyes telling Will more about his own feelings than he could ever tell himself. But he wasn't ready to listen yet. Will didn't want to hear it at all unless it was Hannibal himself saying the words. Hannibal had been mostly quiet all day, his fever now broken and no longer free with his words like he had been in the days before as he sat in apparent silent contemplation.

Will didn't know how to sit with the fact that Hannibal had to be thinking about him.

Just to have something to do with himself Will cleared their plates, only looking at Hannibal's barely there smile for a moment before he turned away again. Will took too long putting everything away, searching inside himself for any words that weren't the ones he was desperate to say. When he finally went back up to the deck night had fallen completely, Hannibal no longer in his seat but leaning against the rail up at the head of the boat. 

Will walked over to him slowly, taking in the line of Hannibal's back for a moment before he said a word. "How are you feeling? You haven't said much today."

For a long moment Hannibal didn't say a word, not looking back at Will when he finally spoke. "Do you wish to leave Will? This stage of running will end eventually, and then you could."

Moving before he could think about if he should or not Will stepped up right next to Hannibal, turning to take in the line of his profile like he had countless times before. Hannibal's eyes were still on the water but Will could see the sadness in them now, so open Will knew Hannibal wasn't trying to hide it at all. Maybe he just couldn't from him anymore. 

"No."

Slowly Hannibal turned, clearly waiting for more when there was nothing else to say. "No?"

"No." Will couldn't remember how to look away from Hannibal, knowing more certainly than he ever had that he'd never known from the start. "Is that what you've been thinking of all day, that I want to leave?"

"You have a look of regret about you." 

"I don't regret this."

"What then?"

"Does there have to be something?"

Hannibal gave him that look, the one Will had only ever seen on his face when Hannibal was watching him. "It's always something Will." 

Finally looking away Will took in the endless dark water around them. He'd told Hannibal he was riddled with regrets what felt like a lifetime ago now, and even knowing nothing had changed Will couldn't feel them the way he used to. All of his endless mistakes had always felt like a hot edge inside of him, pushing Will to fix what he could no longer find it in himself to see as mistakes. They would never be the right choice, but they were the choices he'd made, knowing in his heart we would make them all again.

"No," he said simply, "Not this time."

Hannibal made a quiet noise and said nothing else. 

Will looked down into the dark water, wondering at the life where they were both still down there, skin slowly falling away from their bones. While falling Will hadn't thought it would be possible to regret it, but if any part of him had been left after their demise Will could see now that he would have. For all the years behind them now Will hardly needed any space inside himself to hold all his memories of Hannibal, and most of them hurt too much to touch for long. He didn't even need both hands to count all the times Hannibal had looked at him the way he was now. 

"Will."

Letting out a sigh Will met Hannibal's eyes again, wondering at that something behind them. Now was as good a time as any, especially when the question had been waiting at the back of his throat from the moment Bedelia had said the words. "You called us family before."

"Yes."

It was time to throw them both from the cliffside again. Will didn't let himself turn away, watching each word he said play out on Hannibal's face. "Are you in love with me?" 

Hannibal let out a slow breath, his gaze so heavy Will could feel the weight of it against his skin. "You already know."

He did know. There had never been another truth so terrifying to live inside of him, but knowing wasn't enough. The simple act of knowing would never be enough when it came to the two of them. "Say it anyway."  _ Please. _

"Dear Will." Hannibal reached out, laying his hand over Will's on the railing in what might have been the lightest touch Will had ever received. "I love you so completely and so thoroughly, the word could never hope to compare with the feeling living inside of me."

Will had to look away then, burning from his eyes to his throat to his skin, wondering how he'd been a big enough fool to believe that he was ready for this moment. But then a hand touched his jaw, titling his head back up and refusing to let Will see anything but the truth of Hannibal's words. It was there shining out of everything that Hannibal was, completely impossible and the only thing that had ever truly made sense. 

It felt like someone was smoothing out the long held creases of his mind, a touch so needed it could only ever hurt at first glance. They were so far past that first touch, blood shared and spilt and tasted all for this, finally just the two of them. 

Hannibal's hand moved up to cup the side of his face, thumb rubbing beneath Will's burning eyes, that touch only the only thing Will could feel for a terrifyingly long moment. In the next Will realized Hannibal's touch had a purpose, that he was wiping away tears Will hadn't even realized were falling. The need to speak was suddenly overwhelming but Will felt strangled by his own emotions, throat raw and leaving him with no confidence that a single word would come out the way he wanted.

It was only when Hannibal moved to drop his hand that Will finally found his voice again. "Don't." 

Something flashed across Hannibal's face too quickly for Will to decipher, only knowing that he wanted it there for longer. A private smile took its place, the one so soft at the edges Will hadn't been able to make sense of it the first time he'd seen it. Next to the man he'd always believed Hannibal to be it had felt like seeing him for the first time all over again, someone who could bend and care and rot away inside just like Will had his entire life.

"Will." Hannibal's voice was quiet but not quite soft, something there vibrating at the back of each word he said. "As much as I would like it to be so, I cannot read your mind."

"Don't lie." Will let out half of a wet laugh, rubbing the back of his wrist across his eyes before laying his hand overtop Hannibal's, pressing the edges of their fingers together as he tried to imprint the feeling of Hannibal's knuckles alongside his own into the walls of his memory. "Of course you can."

"Will–"

"What am I thinking now Doctor?" Looking up Will forced himself to hold it, for maybe the first time laying everything bare for Hannibal like Hannibal had done so many times before. Even now, when Hannibal was breathing from a lung held in each of Will's hands all Will could think of was taking in Hannibal's heart too, hot and still beating down the back of his throat. "I know you know, or at the very least the version of me that lives inside you must have some idea."

Hannibal wiped the last bit of Will's drying tears away, letting out a sigh so soft Will knew he only heard because of how close they were. "You're happy, and that terrifies and fascinates you in equal measure." 

"I'm not terrified." But somehow the words felt like a lie, like Will could only learn the truth of himself in the moment he tried to deny it was so. "I don't want to be terrified." 

"Just feel it with me Will." Hannibal's eyes were wet now, like Will's still unshed tears were moments away from falling from them. "As always, I'm right beside you in all things."

For the first time in so long Will chose to swallow down his cruelty instead of let it spill out all over the floor, but even then the selfishness was still there, pecking away at his heart. He couldn't even bear to look Hannibal in the eye, watching the corner of his mouth instead. "I've never known myself like this, I guess I'm just finding the clarity a bit overwhelming."

"Hindsight can overwhelm even the best of us."

Will weakly shook his head. "That's not how I mean."

Hannibal sounded like he wanted to crawl inside Will's chest, his voice hardly there at all. "How then?"

"In love." Will could hardly bear the sound of his voice, some far off point inside himself screaming that this moment would only lead to his ruin, but the truth was all he had left. Will was tired of running from it, tired of being in love all alone when the only person he could see was right there beside him, with eyes that had sought out Will and Will alone for years. "I never let myself recognize the part of me that loved you. But that only made me lose sight of myself, until eventually there was no part of me left that wasn't a stranger." 

Hannibal's hand was just barley trembling, and when Will finally gave in and looked up the longing behind his eyes was enough to make Will's chest ache. Giving in was the only thing he could do. Some part of Will knew now it was the only choice he ever could have made, that this was the only end that could have ever been waiting for them. 

Then Hannibal kissed him and Will realized just how wrong he was. This wasn't an ending at all but a beginning, a first taste for the both of them of the only life they would ever want to live again. The small feeling of Hannibal's lips parting beneath Will's own was enough to wash away any bit of him that was left who wanted to hold back. An awful voice, small and wavering at the back of his mind told Will that he would have let Hannibal eat him alive right now, as long as he left his eyes for last, so Will could watch Hannibal take in every part of him. 

But then Hannibal shifted against him and Will couldn't help but wonder if he was wrong now too, if the desperate need inside him wasn't to see Hannibal take him in but to finally consume Hannibal for himself. It was only the boat giving a sudden sharp lurch beneath them that forced Will to remember where they were at all. Pulling back felt wrong for every reason something could be but Will did it all the same, a quick glance around showing it was nothing more than them passing over a patch of slightly rougher water.

Carelessly Will turned his eyes back towards Hannibal, unprepared and run over inside. Hannibal had looked at him with naked vulnerability before, eyes pleading with Will for a cascade of different reasons, but now it was just one. Maybe it had really only ever been the one. 

Will let out a slow breath. "Come below with me."

Hannibal did.

*

The hours after they'd come out of the water had robbed them both of the last few shreds of modesty they could claim with each other, but clammy skin and rushing thoughts of survival were nothing compared to the moment they were floating in together now. 

Seeing bare skin and being shown it were two completely different experiences, and watching as Hannibal bared more and more of himself Will struggled to find this moment's match inside. No one had ever had a hold over Will the way Hannibal had, and seeing him openly yearn for him now left Will floating on bliss, drunk on the need shining at the corner of Hannibal's eyes. Every thought he tried to have ate itself, left to wonder at all the soft curves he could finally reach out and take for himself.

Hannibal shifted beneath him, spreading his legs and doing everything he could without actually asking for it as he pulled Will down against him. It was obvious what he wanted but Will already felt strung so tight inside the idea of having Hannibal that way felt bigger than overwhelming. Instead Will let himself make his way down Hannibal's newly exposed body, tasting the soft underside of his jaw and the dip between his collarbones. The hair on Hannibal's chest was softer than Will had expected, and the way his breath caught when Will's thumb brushed his nipple was a surprise that defined pleasant. 

It was only when Will was running his nose along Hannibal's inner thigh and pushing the other open wider with the flat of his palm that Hannibal seemed to finally realize his true intention, a hand suddenly gripping Will's hair just above his neck as the muscles beneath his hand clenched. Will had never done this before, but he knew what he liked done to himself, knowing that regardless of everything Hannibal must have aching for every moment of this all the same. They were just alike after all. 

The weight was strange against his tongue, and even having expected it the sharp taste took Will by surprise. Then he spread his tongue as he sucked at the head, Hannibal's enraptured gasp above him filling Will up with a brand new need. Each time he moved his head it felt easier until Will had fallen into something of a natural rhythm, holding Hannibal's thighs apart that couldn't seem to stop wanting to close around him. Will pulled back with a rough gasp when his lungs felt like they could bear no more, close to panting as he slowly looked up the line of Hannibal's own heaving chest. 

There were tears shining at the edges of his eyes, lips bitten red and parted. It almost hurt to look at him. It did hurt, and Will knew he would never carve another wound the same way again.

Hannibal's whole expression shuddered apart when Will took him back inside, eyes falling shut as his mouth fell open in a half expelled gasp. There was a flush crawling down his neck, soft blotches of color dotting his chest that looked so divine Will wanted to sink his teeth into each one. Instead he just swallowed around Hannibal, holding him down against the bed in a firm press. 

"Will." Hannibal sounded like a reflection of the past, or maybe it was just an echo of Will's own aches, that desperate years old desire for Hannibal to give him another smile. 

"Shhh." Will pulled back just enough to kiss the head, open mouthed and wet before taking Hannibal in again. 

Hannibal was coiling tighter and tighter beneath him, his whole frame rocking with each move Will chose to make. With just the smallest bit more of anything Will could tell Hannibal would have fallen over the edge, so Will continued to give him nothing but this, no touch steady or long enough to do anything but curl Hannibal's toes against the sheets, breath rougher and smaller by the moment, like both a snarl and a plea were building up inside of him.

_ "Will." _

Will couldn't help the way he curled even closer to Hannibal, the selfish corner of himself satisfied for the first time in so long Will almost couldn't recognize the feeling for what it was. Whatever desire he'd had to hold Hannibal back was lost to Will now, only wanting to feel Hannibal all over as he fell apart. He didn't have to wait long, looking up at Hannibal's face through tear heavy eyes as he let his hand trail down Hannibal's thigh, lower and lower until he was touching soft hidden skin just above where he'd hardly dared to think of touching before now. Want was a drum inside of him now, beating to the oldest melody, the ancient need that Will knew he'd been born to feel here and now.

Hannibal's hands went tight in his hair and pulled, but Will didn't let himself get pulled back, not when they were finally to the moment he'd craved more than anything else. Heat flooded his mouth and Will could only moan, Hannibal's grip which had been pulling Will away now holding him down against him. Will wasn't sure he'd ever heard the type of sound Hannibal was making now, a needy half whisper of his name that fell off into an open shaking moan. Then his thighs were closing around the sides of Will's head and Will could hardly hear a thing, swallowing as his own heart beat echoed around endlessly inside of himself.

When he finally pulled back Will had to blink away dots from his eyes, jaw aching as he tried to get used to the sharp taste on his tongue. After a few gasping breaths he came back to himself again, moving to sit back on the bed as gazed at Hannibal. He looked boneless, chest still heaving with sweat clinging to his skin. Will hadn't known he could be so relaxed. 

He already wanted to taste him again.

Going quicker than his unsteady limbs wanted him to Will moved over the length of Hannibal's body, kissing him just as Hannibal turned his head towards him. Will let Hannibal taste himself on his tongue before he pulled back again, kissing the corner of his mouth, the top of his cheekbone, the soft lined skin next to his eye. Hannibal's hand was trembling just slightly when it reached up to hold Will's side.

"Will." He sounded carved out inside, like Will had left him without even his soft outer shell to hide behind.

"Go to sleep." Will pressed the words into Hannibal's temple, answering his yet unspoken question. Will's need could wait. There was only so much he could take in one night, and having Hannibal this way now was more than Will could wrap his mind around fully yet. "You can touch me in the morning."

The hand on his side squeezed once more before falling away. Hannibal let out a slow contented sigh. "Yes Will."

Will pulled a blanket over the both of them, settling along Hannibal's too warm side. They slept.

For once there was no shame or guilt waiting for Will behind his eyes.


End file.
